If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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