well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
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July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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