Kiss
Puke
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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