I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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