She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
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I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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