I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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