I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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