Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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