My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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