My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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