Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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