Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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