i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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