My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had to cum in my sink.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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