Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize