Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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