Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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