In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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