you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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