mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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