Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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