My Higher Power is John Stamos
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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