doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your penis caused this!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize