i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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