Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize