Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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