Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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