Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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