WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize