My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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