First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
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How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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