My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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