Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize