..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize