this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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