I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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