i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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