I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize