i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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