She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize