Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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