He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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