dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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