i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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