i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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