I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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