That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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