you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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