Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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