I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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